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2022-11-06

Communication Part II

Keeping the Conversation Going….

Be present and engaged in the conversation. Read and respond carefully. Conversation is all about taking cues and riffing off of what people say. While you are talking to the person, be aware of what the conversation has covered and where it is going.

In this respect, talking to people online can even be easier than speaking in person. You should be able to scroll back through the conversation if you need to remember a specific detail.

Ask questions. Be genuinely interested in the person. It’s a scientific fact that people love to talk about themselves. If you ask questions about someone, odds are that they’ll have a lot to say.

Ask questions that lead into other questions. If you ask “So what kind of music are you into?” and they respond “I like a lot of music- some rock, some pop, some punk. I go to a lot of local shows”–ask them something like, “Been to any good shows lately?”
Avoid asking yes-or-no questions. A simple “yes” or “no” can stop a conversation in its tracks. If you must ask questions with basic or binary answers, be prepared to ask follow-up questions.

Don’t be nosy. Be respectful of sensitive topics. You’ll have to use your intuition on this one, but as a general rule of thumb: Don’t ask anyone a question that you wouldn’t want to answer yourself.

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Turn your answers into questions. There is a back-and-forth flow to conversations, and you need to keep up your end if you want to keep the talk going. When you send a message, try to end each thought with a question that will prompt your conversation partner to respond.[5]

Think of a conversation like a game of catch. If you catch the ball, then that’s great–but the game cannot go on until you throw the ball back to the other person.
Do not merely say, “My day was good. I think I did really well on my math exam!” Say, “My day was good. I think I did really well on my math exam! How was yours?”

Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself. There is a delicate balance to be struck here: if you dominate the conversation and only talk about yourself, you may come across as selfish or cocky; but if you don’t let out any personal details, you’ll just be another mystery.

Be honest. If you weave a web of lies–building yourself up to be something you’re not–it may come back to bite you later on.[6] Things have a way of coming to light.
If your conversation partner asks you about yourself, answer- but try to turn your answer back into a question. If they ask you about your dog, for example, consider something along the lines of: “His name’s Duke. He’s a border collie mix. We saved him from a shelter three years back, and he’s like one of the family now. Do you have any pets?”

Use emoticons and emoji, but don’t overuse them. Emoticons like “:)” and “:3” can give your words emotion and flavor to offset the detached online setting. They can endear you to a person and make you come across as more friendly. However, your emoticons can reveal much about your feelings: if someone uses a lot of smiley faces, for instance, there is a good chance that they like you.

It is not wrong to reveal your feelings, but depending on the situation you may want to play it cool until you’ve gotten to know someone better. Be careful with your emoticons and what they tell your conversation partner.
If you want to subtly let the person know that you’re interested, then make use of the “:)”. As a rule of thumb: use it at points in the conversation when you would actually smile in real life :)

Don’t force it. If the person is giving you one-word answers to questions, despite your best efforts, then they may just not want to talk to you right now. If the conversation seems forced, it’s always okay to end the conversation and try again later.

It is not necessarily your fault! It can be so difficult to tell how someone is feeling, especially online. For all you know, the person doesn’t want to talk because they’re feeling depressed, or they have a lot of work to do, or they’ve just had a fight with their parents.
If you try to talk to someone over and over again and they do not seem interested in conversation–let it go. Try to get to spend more time with them in person, if possible, but only if you have a good reason to do so.

Give them space. Nobody likes to feel pressured. It is better to let someone go than to make them feel uncomfortable.