Blog

2022-11-06

Red Flags

“If you spot a red flag, it’s a call to action to slow down, pay attention and ask questions.”

When you meet someone, you want to be able to spot red flags before you get too attached and into a long-term relationship with them. It’s natural to want to ignore red flags because you like other qualities the person possesses. But by doing this you are just putting off the inevitable. Here are some red flags you don’t want to ignore when you meet someone new online.

A photo of someone holding a baby coupled with the clarification, “Not my baby”

What are you trying trying to prove here? That you’re not a parent but a baby can stand to be seen with you? That you’re capable of holding a child and therefore should be considered as a romantic prospect? Please stop using other people’s cute babies to make yourselves look good and then clarifying they’re not your babies. It’s played out! If you want to get creative and pose next to a horse and write, “Not my horse,” however, we will allow it. That’s funny.

The phrase “I’m looking for someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously”

This phrase is a serious red flag that screams, “I’ll make offensive jokes and say ‘ugh, chill’ when you don’t laugh” or “I’m emotionally unavailable.”  If you’re on a dating app looking to form a romantic connection, one would HOPE that, at the very least, you’re taking yourself and others seriously.

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If someone says they’re “not looking for any drama”

People who feel the need to type some version of “I’m not looking for any drama” in their dating app bios are likely no stranger to drama. Perhaps they’ve caused or attracted drama in the past, or perhaps this is code for “I’m going to gaslight you and treat you like crap, but I don’t want to be called out on it.” Either option seems bad!

The phrase “good vibes only”

“Good vibes only” is a horrible relative of “I’m looking for someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously” and “no drama.” It basically means you are not allowed to have any negative emotions ever. A person with this in their bio likely isn’t ready for mature commitment. You want someone to have and to hold in good vibes and in bad.

Men who say they never message first so if you don’t message you’ll be unmatched

Women simply don’t have time for this nonsense. Semi-related, if a man’s bio is a straightforward list of requirements he’d like to find in a woman, such as, “I’m looking for a girl who likes to take care of herself,” “Must be physically fit,” or “looking for a girl who can hold a conversation” that’s also a major turnoff.

People who only have one photo

If you only have one photo on your dating app bio, I’m sorry, it’s a left swipe. Adjacent complaints include “one far away pic and four nature pics” and “when their first pic isn’t their face.” Please take note.

Saying “I don’t know why I’m here”

Sweetie, we actually DO think you know why you’re here.

Poor-quality profile photos

Before we take a break from profile photo red flags, we want to remind you how important it is that you choose high-quality, flattering photos that clearly show off your face and aren’t hella filtered. Mirror selfies? Bad. Photos with cutesy Snapchat filters on them? Bad. Photos that are so low-quality that they look like — as my friend so delicately put it — “they were taken on a potato or something” are also bad. As she explained, you “CANNOT TRUST SOMEONE WHO WILLINGLY BROADCASTS BLURRY-ASS PICS.”

Stating facts like “I have a house” or “I have a car”

As Shania Twain would likely say, “That don’t impress me much.”

Photos with exes or possible love interests

It’s great to include a photo or two with friends on your dating app profile, but if the same friend is in all of your photos, it’s going to raise a few questions. Is that your ex? Your adorable best friend who you’re secretly in love with but don’t think they like you back? We need answers.

Any of these cringey words

We’ve talked about a few phrases you should keep out of dating app bios, but individual words can raise red flags as well.

Any variations of “nothing too serious,” for instance, “chill,” “casual,” “no strings attached,” or “here to have fun” are definitely not ideal. The words “average” or “normal” in bios are also concerning, as are the words “masculine” or anyone who solely refers to women as “females.” A few other common red flag words are “discreet,” “lover,” “sensual,” “massage,” and “I’m not like other ___.”

When a bio is neglected

If there’s one thing worse than cheesy, misguided, or downright bad dating app bios, it’s a profile with no bio at all.

If you can’t even take a few minutes to craft a bio how can you be expected to put effort into a relationship? And before you try to get away with lazy phrases like “I’m an open book, ask me anything” or “I’ll finish writing this later,” know that those are just as bad.

Shirtless photos

Unless it’s a photo let’s say of him on the beach (not in his bedroom) and it’s just a phenomenal photo of him, generally, I find it kinda hard to take guys with shirtless photos seriously. Even if they have a great body.

We’ll have no more than a single shirtless photo and it shouldn’t seem forced like you’re trying to show off your body. Otherwise, it’s giving real playboy vibes.

Bad quality photos

It’s 2022 people. Why do you have photos that look like they were taken 20 years ago? Or worst, why do you have photos that look like they were taken on an android…

But seriously, if all of his photos are dark and dingy, and he doesn’t have a single Linkedin-worthy photo, does he even have a job (I’m just saying)?

Doesn’t disclose what kind of work he does in his profile

Men that are successful or moving in that direction are usually very proud and enthusiastic about their work.

If their profession is all cryptic or just states vague titles like “self-employed” or “entrepreneur” with absolutely no context whatsoever… like dude… women are interested in more than just your good looks (assuming you have those).

Sex is a difficult topic for you

So not having sex, but much more talking about it openly. If that’s the case for you, you’re in bad shape in the dating game. Sorry! The majority of singles want to be open about intimacy and sex, no matter what it is. A little over half of the women surveyed feel a certain pressure when men want to know on a date what women want in terms of sex. At the same time, most of them want to counteract this pressure by generally speaking more openly about the topic. 66 percent of 18- to 39-year-olds would therefore like women to talk casually about sex. Around 58 percent also want women to feel more encouraged to express their sexual needs clearly. The only question is whether the same applies to men. Unfortunately, the survey does not provide any information on this.