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2023-04-04

«My date is HIV positive»

«My date is HIV positive»

Somebody asks:

I (m, 27) met an amazing woman through a dating app and she told me she was HIV positive the third time we met. That overwhelms me a bit. I’m actually really curious about her, but I definitely don’t want to get infected with HIV. What should I put attention on? What HIV restrictions should I expect if we enter into a committed relationship?

Basically, stick to the safer sex rules. Because if you follow the rules, any sexual activity with an HIV-positive person is safe for the uninfected person. The HI virus cannot be transmitted during safer sex.

So for you:

Hugging, stroking and cuddling is safe.
Kissing or French kissing is not dangerous, even if the HIV-positive person has small wounds or an ulcer in the mouth.
Petting by hand is harmless - even if there are small wounds on one hand or cuticles are cracked.
The HIV risk from oral sex is very low. However, make sure that no menstrual blood gets into your mouth.
Uses condoms or femidomes (female condoms) during intercourse. When used correctly, these provide reliable protection against HIV/AIDS.
Always use condoms during anal sex.

Is she already being treated? 

It’s best to talk to her about it. She is probably well informed about what to look out for. Important information for you: If the HIV-positive person takes their medication reliably and the viral load has been below the detection limit for six months, they can no longer transmit HIV.

Thanks to HIV therapy, a long, “normal” life is possible

What is certain is that sex without condoms or femidoms should only happen in a permanent relationship - for example if you want a child. If this is an option for you, you should discuss it in detail with your doctor beforehand.

Today, thanks to drug-based HIV therapies, many people living with HIV can live a long, “normal” life here in Central Europe: Career and free time, sex and love, having children and being parents – all of this is possible. And yet you have a chronic illness. A more or less big lifestyle change makes sense to support the immune system.

Medications can have side effects – some people are hardly bothered by them, others suffer from them. As with all chronic diseases, depressive moods are more common, and anxiety can also occur in connection with the infection. Depending on the situation, you also have to deal with the ignorance of many people about HIV and with unpleasant reactions.

But you can find support with all of this at the relevant counseling centers and communities for HIV-positive people.

REMEMBER:
Be Comfortable Saying “No”
If you don’t want to have sex, say so. Sex is not something you “owe” someone because they bought you dinner or because you’ve been on a certain number of dates.

It’s your choice to say “yes” to sex. It’s also your choice to say “no.” Own those rights, demand they be respected, and extend respect for your partner’s same decisions.